Health Care and Socialism
HEALTH CARE AND SOCIALISM
A Letter to the Editor from Todd P.
By Shepherd Hoodwin
Dear Editor,
I am a concerned citizen who loves this country so much that I want to secede from it. The reason is that I’m sick and tired of socialism! It is creeping into every part of American life. Health care is only the latest. The world was much better off when the government stayed out of people’s business.
Socialism has taken over education, for instance. Why is the government spending MY money to educate other people’s kids?* Public education never did me any good. Why does everyone need to be able to read anyway? How hard is it to turn on a television? You just click the biggest button on the remote. Once you find Fox News, there’s not much else you need to do. Even meathead libs can do it.
(*I actually heard that recently from a caller to a talk show, on an NPR station!-SGH)
Socialists are always crying about helping the poor. What about helping corporations who do so much more for us every day? For example, if it wasn’t for Big Corporations, we wouldn’t have Chili Cheese Fritos. Clearly, Big Corporations are way better than Big Government.
Now Obama, who’s not even a citizen, wants to socialize our roads with his so-called “stimulus package.” Big Government, keep away from my Interstate Highway System! I like it fine just the way it is. In fact, I don’t need roads at all–I have a two-ton four wheeler; I’ll drive anywhere I damn well please. And I don’t need your stimulus package, either. Mine is plenty big. At least the ladies don’t complain.
The government can’t do anything right, like those levees in New Orleans that broke. President Bush was right not to throw good money after bad by trying to fix them. I don’t even want the government pumping my drinking water and then charging me for it–I can pump my own. And what do we need with fancy government sewage systems? If pansy-kneed liberals don’t like the smell of sewage flowing through the streets, they need to toughen up. Also, why are my tax dollars being spent on libraries for books about homosexuals and farm animal fornicators? They can buy their own books–there’s sections for them in every adult bookstore.
I’m especially angry about socialized defense. Before Big Government, if people wanted to invade another country, they practiced self-reliance and did it themselves. They’d get a bunch of guys together, a few “spears ‘n beers,” hike however far it was or maybe ride a horse, row a canoe, or mush a dog sled, and attack. It was good exercise, other than for those who got killed, and they didn’t need any new-fangled equipment. Today, people have gotten soft and rely on government welfare for the military-industrial complex.
I admit that it’s a bit harder to invade a Middle Eastern country than the next town, but if the government didn’t interfere, the free market would do its magic and things would work fine. For example, let’s say that a bunch of manly men in Rochester wanted to invade Jordan. They could get bids from different airlines and find the best price for transporting them to Amman, and I’ll bet that they’d even throw in, at no extra charge, dropping a few bombs along the way. Competition and privatization always work. Or my buds over at Halliburton will always give you a good deal.
In 2008, the U.S. spent over $661 billion on defense. My share of that was at least $2000. I could definitely spend that money better than the government does. For example, for $2000, I could buy a professional-grade assault rifle to take with me to town hall meetings, and enough ammo to last me several weeks. Clearly, the Founding Fathers wanted us to form our own militias. I say to Big Government: take your sticky mitts off my military. Let me be free!
Back to health care: if people get sick, why should the government bale them out? Survival of the fittest–that’s God’s way! I don’t rely on government handouts; I go to the VA hospital. If people starve themselves and get sick, they should take responsibility and eat. That’s what I do. If children are born sick and their parents can’t afford insurance, obviously that’s God’s will, and the government shouldn’t interfere.
In the old days, governments just provided necessary services, like removing corpses from the streets. I’m willing to pay for that. But we’ve got to stop socialism before it’s too late and everyone has health care with death panels, like those snooty Brits who think they’re better than us but who are actually worse than the French were in 2003 when they opposed the liberation of Iraq. As a proud American, I’m happy to stand guard against the Russians from my front porch, but those Brits have invaded us twice before, and I wouldn’t put it past them to try it again. Don’t count on Big Government to stop them–Obama’s in bed with Gordon Brown and the Queen–and I can’t do this all myself. We have to work together to stand up to the march of socialism. Gentlemen, warm up your Hummers and load your assault rifles! They’ll give me universal health care over my dead body.
Sincerely,
Todd P., Wasilla, Alaska